Walk Like a Hawk

Dear Diary,

I've done it! I've just announced my appointment of Eliot A. Cohen as State Department Counselor. Ha! I bet no one saw this coming!

I bet people think I chose him because he supports the war and will keep Cheney off my case, since Cohen totally does not want me talking to Syria or Iran.

But I just think something about neo-conservatives is kind of dreamy, don't you?

I love it when you call me Big Papa...

Dear Diary,

I am totally throwing my hands in the air like I'm a true player!

Today I was with Sheikh Khalid Bin Ahmed Al-Khalifa.

I think it's safe to say that he's living large because of all that oil they have Bahrain. And by "living large," I mean "living with an extravagant or self-indulgent lifestyle" as well as that "he is a total fat-ass with a fupa."

So... is everyone in your country white?

Dear Diary,

I sort of think Norway's Foreign Minister Jonas Gahr Stoere is cute... and he definitely has a firm grip.

I guess it's a good thing Norway's an ally.

senators or middle-managers?

Dear Diary,

So I was chatting with George Stephanopolous on ABC's "This Week" today, and I

basically told him that the Democrats in the Senate are still totally trying to micromanage George.

I mean, it's ridiculous. He's the PRESIDENT. I feel like a broken record saying these things, but policies that diminish the flexibility of the commander, the commander-in-chief, but especially, the commanders in the field that disrupt the normal process of allowing the Executive Branch to determine things like training times and so forth, are a problem -- DUH!!!

Stupid congressional cock-blockers....

Threesome with Israel and Palestine

Dear Diary,

Today was a momentous day in history. Yours truly met with Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas... together... all three of us.

I know! It is the first time since 2003 that a US diplomate has brought these two sides together!

I'm not going to say too much because I don't want to get my hopes up, but the meeting was useful and productive. You know, in spite of things like Hamas' government charter calling for the destruction of Israel and Israel continuously building new settlements in the West Bank.... That kind of stuff.

I'm feeling pretty good about things.

:)

Give me a W! Give me an A! Give me an R! What does it spell?!

Dear Diary,

Today I made a surprise stop in Baghdad. I talked to the American military personnel about how important teamwork and sacrifice are and how the mission in Iraq is an essential mission for the security and well-being of the United States of America. Er... that and it's also about helping the Iraqi people to find their way out of violence, out of tyranny, to democracy and to living together in peace and prosperity... or something.

I tried to tell those guys to not worry. I mean, they know a lot's going on back in Washington, and I'm sure a lot of them are upset because the "Defeatocrats" are messing everything up with their resolutions. It's like "Hello? We're finally like going to dedicate enough people to the cause, and they're totally cock-blocking our efforts!" At least even the stupid Democrats know that the sacrifice and the labor of our in Iraq has been honorable. No one is saying the troops are doing a bad job or anything.

So anyways, I was like, "Hey, guys! You're doing an awesome job! You and the Iraqis! It's totally not true that American people don't want to fight this war anymore. It's just that the American people want to know that we can succeed!" It's like an insurance policy. Like having sex after you get the engagement ring!

In the end, I think I really cheered them up. I know I was totally pumped! I totally should have done cheer instead of piano when I was growing up.

Raise the roof, ya'll

Dear Diary!

Today I got to welcome John Negroponte as my new Deputy Secretary of State. I think he's going to do a totally awesome job! I mean, he's got a ton of experience in all kinds of foreign affairs stuff. Plus, his last name is "Negroponte," so I definitely feel like I'm doing my duty of contributing to affirmative action!

:)

Dear Diary,

I totally just brokered a deal with Pyongyang! How awesome am I?

Pretty awesome, I'd say.

North Korea's gonna get some aid or something, and we're gonna get the complete, verifiable and irreversible de-nuclearisation of the Korean peninsula! YAY! Go me!

And... I totally think this is gonna be seen as a message to Iran that the international community is able to bring together its resources! Boo-yah!

It's almost like the last 6 years didn't happen, you know, when that deal Clinton made fell apart, for some unknown reason?

Sweet!