Hola! Vas a ser mis prisioneros!

4/28/05
Dear Diary-- Today I told Colombian President Alvaro Uribe that the US is totally down with Bogota. It's really good to know that that we have an ally and friend in South America. I mean, it's just totally awesome that Uribe got all that land back from those stupid left-wing rebels, so awesome that a little problem like the right-wing paramilitaries barely even matter. I'm glad Plan Colombia lets us give Uribe $600 million a year to extradite all those drug traffickers to the US to face real justice; I really think our war on drugs is working, and violent crime in Colombia is the lowest it's been in 16 years! I just wish Chile and El Salvador were as juiced as Colombia, since I have to go there too. Also, I think it's so not cool that Venezuelan Prez Hugo Chavez is talkin' trash about me like "Perhaps a pawn tells a Queen what she wants to hear to make her laugh..." I mean is he talking about chess or does he really think America is a monarchy or something? I am the Secretary of State for the United States of America, dammit! And America is a democracy-- Duh!!!