Road Map to my ASS

Dear Diary,

What a day! Today I was super busy with the diplomatic Quartet seeking peace in the Middle East. We called on Israel to take immediate steps to relieve economic hardships facing the Palestinians, and we called on the Palestinians to fight violence and terrorism ahead of Israel’s planned withdrawal from the occupied Gaza Strip. I think I could have totally handled ensuring peace in the Mid-East without the UN, EU and Russia, but I guess SOME PEOPLE think otherwise. Now I have to conform MY superior democratic ideas to those of the Quartet and their belief that this is a moment of optimism in the search for peace in the Middle East and is an opportunity that should not be missed to revitalize the Road Map, blah blah blah....

I could TOTALLY go for some Mid-East democracy

Dear Diary,

I just gave the BEST speech in Cairo! I was all, Egypt and Saudi Arabia had best stop crackin' down on dissenters and shit, because I am ALL about supporting the democratic aspirations of all people.

I mean, for 60 years, my country, the United States, pursued stability at the expense of democracy in the Middle East, and we didn't get dick. Throughout the Middle East, the fear of free choices ain't no kind of justification for the denial of liberty. It's time to recognize and abandon the excuses that are made to avoid the hard work of democracy (you slacker-ass-bitches).

It's like, Egypt's President Hosni Mubarak is pretty cool for allowing a contested presidential election later this year, but I definitely think international monitors to be allowed to observe the poll -- just to make sure everything's all free and fair.

I'm still kinda worried about the future of reform in Egypt because everyone's still hatin' on peaceful opponents of the government. President Mubarak unlocked the door for change, but the Egyptian government has to put its faith in its own people.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Just kidding! Like that is ever going to work!

Is something going on in Sudan or something?

Dear Diary,

I'm SO confused. I heard a rumor that African Union mediators are at talks in the Nigerian capital, Abuja, to try and bring Sudanese government and rebel representatives together for face-to-face discussions.
WTF is that about? Did something happen in Sudan?
Chief mediator Salim Ahmed Salim keeps leaving me messages to call him, but he won't say what it's about.

I mean, I know that the two years of fighting between rebels and Arab militias have left at least 180,000 people dead and forced more than two million to flee their homes, but EVERYONE knows that. Is there something new? What is all this fuss about?

I hope people still don't think the Sudanese government backed the Arab Janjaweed militias, which are accused of the worst atrocities such as mass rape, killings and looting, 'cuz that's just silly. Anyway, isn't it the UN's job to look into stuff like this?

Some good news...

Dear Diary!

The President is just SO GREAT! He's totally brushed aside tensions with South Korea so we can "speak with one voice" on Pyongyang's nuclear ambitions!!! Awesome, right?!

I KNEW that if the President could sepak with South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun at the White House, everything would be cool. I mean, South Korea still disagrees with us over how to deal with North Korea (which has STILL refused to join six-party talks) but they are totally down with a nuclear-free Korean peninsula.

It is SO annoying that earlier this week North Korea said it has nuclear weapons and is building more. The President and I are getting increasingly frustrated with South Korean insistence on continued engagement with North Korea. It's like, HELLO?!-- If North Korea is not going to recognize when the best nation on the planet is like, "Disarm, fools!" I seriously doubt they are going to listen to their puny neighbor's pleas to disarm and stop weapons development.