Sad...

Dear Diary,

Today I went to Rosa Park's funeral. There were a lot of people there, and I spent a lot of time looking somber and serious. I also pretended to pray.

Is it wrong for me to say that head scarves are tacky at funerals?

Because it's true.

Hot time at the Pentagon

Dear Diary,

I know Japanese Foreign Minister, Nobutaka Machimura, thinks we are going to step up military cooperation and substantially reduce the number of Marines on the strategically important southern island of Okinawa, but who are we kidding?

That's never going to happen, silly man! Ha ha ha ha!

Holla!

I'm pouring one for my homegirl. I couldn't have done it without you.

Ya'll know what you did

Dear Diary,

So I was at my husba-- I mean, the President's press conference today, and I kept thinking about last Friday when I told some reporters that Syria and Lebanon need to knock off the shady shit and represent.

I mean, how uncool would it be for some high-ranking Syrian and Lebanese officials to have participated in the assassination of Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik al-Hariri?

SO UNCOOL -- that's how. Whatevs, my remarks totally put the pressure on President Bashar al-Assad, since his brother-in-law probably had something to do with it. Fools need to be accountable for that nonsense.

Ugh & Ew!

Dear Diary,

Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov tried to kiss me! ACK! SO GROSS! I am SO not in the habit of making out with people after our meetings. Moscow is dumb.

YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Prettiest Girl at the Party...

Dear Diary,

Check me out! I went to Chaklala and met members of the Afghanistan military at the Pakistan Air Force base there.

And you know what?

I was the prettiest woman there.

Ha ha ha ha ha!