Wheeeee! A GOLDEN THRONE FOR ME!!!!!! I LOVE IRAQ!!!!!

Dear Diary,

Since it's election season, I thought I'd zip on over to Iraq after my meetings in Israel this morning.

But when I got to Iraq, my plane couldn't land for 35 minutes because there was "indirect fire" —from mortar rounds or rockets or something — in the airport area. It's a good thing I'm here now, because damn, this place is really a hot mess.

So, when I met with Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki and his peeps, I was all, "Ya'll don't have time for endless debates on the issues. You gotta get your asses on it."

It's like, look man, I don't have time to figure out how you're going to divide your oil wealth, or change your constitution to fit the needs of your country's various regions, or stop your sectarian violence. That's not why I am here. I am here to bring a message of support. I am here to support all the parties and to press all the parties to work toward that resolution quickly because obviously, the security situation is totally CRIZZ-AZY and is not one that can be tolerated, and it is not one that is being helped by political inaction.

I’ve got my own problems. More than 2,700 American troops are dead and we've spent over $300 billion. What am I supposed to do with that? But I do want Iraq to know that I'm there for them if they need me!