So only Baby-Mama's can be Secretary of State?

Dear Diary,

O.M.G. You will NOT believe what happened today!

I was up in the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and Barbara Boxer had the nerve to accuse me of not being affected personally by the war because I don't got babies.

Seriously?! That is stupider than when, back in 2003 when I was National Security Advisor, Aaron McGruder suggested that if I had a boyfriend I wouldn't want to detroy the world!

Why are Democrats so stupid? And SEXIST?!

On Notice

Dear Diary,

Today I gave a totally bad-ass testimony to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

I was all, "America is facing a crucial moment, yo. It's like, a pivotal moment concerning our policies in Iraq and concerning our broader policies in the Middle East." And then I basically said, like, " the consequences of failure would also be enormous, so stop cock-blocking George's solutions."

I mean, don't people get that it's super important for the United States to defend its interests and those of our friends and allies in this vital region? Seriously?!

Anyway, I think my new move of offering to meet with Iran (after 27 years) if they knock-off their uranium enrichment bullshizz is pretty smooth. No one saw that coming!

Negroponte in the house!

Dear Diary,

It looks like I'm not going to be the State Department's only recognizable "face of color" for the public anymore!

US National Intelligence Director John Negroponte is quitting his job to come work for... ME!!!!

He's been an ambassador to practically everything, even Iraq, so those Democrats shouldn't have any beef about confirming him ASAP.

(Negroponte's sure to be way better than Robert Zoellick, who was just so creepy-yucky.)